New leaf

So as you may have noticed I have not been blogging of late. This is because every time I got on, I didn't feel the urge to write. I finally realized today that the reason why is because I got bored with what I was writing. And if I was bored writing it, I am sure y'all were bored reading it. To fix this problem I have decided to add more of my thoughts to the blog and less of a play-by-play of my weeks. I think the first semester pretty much sums up what this PharmD life is like, nuts. There is no need to rehash the same tators over and over. So As I turn a new leaf I warn you now, you may hear things you do not like, or even better, things you do! I hope to make you think more about the actions you take in your life and how they effect everyone around you. I will not use this blog as a rant site, well maybe a tiny bit, but nothing belligerent or offensive. I hope to make you use the "squash" between those ears, and maybe make your small corner of the world a better place to live.

Getting started:

I will let you know that we have a CRAZY amount of tests coming up, nine in the next three weeks, so my blogs may not be consistent. The good news! We are almost done with our first professional year! Every week seems to have taken a month of my life, but flies by, if that makes since. I guess the emotional and physical toll far exceed the actual time spent in the week. I will not be surprised if I rock some gray hairs by the end of P2 year.

On to the new:

Today I was thinking about the past and figured it would be a good place to start for the revamped PharmD life. The thing about the past that infuriates us all is that it cannot be changed. This simple fact may sound elementary, but if you think about mistakes you have made, you will remember how much time you spent dwelling on what could have been if you would have been able to change that mistake. This leads to anger, depression, and even may cause you to miss a new and exciting opportunity that presents itself while you are being booty hurt. My advice to you, live by this simple maxim and you may be able to move on more quickly and enjoy life further. "There is no going back, the past cannot change, what's done is done, move on and do not make the same mistake again." Sounds easy enough, but in practice is not so easy. What I usually do is allow myself about a minute or two of intense rage, allowing all the angry, blame full and pointless thoughts run rampant in my head, or out loud if no one is around. I then take a couple deep breaths, and repeat the maxim to myself until I have calmed myself enough to move on. I do not forget the mistake I made, but accept it as done and make sure to take steps to avoid making the same one again.

By approaching the problem logically, you can devoid yourself of the emotions that may hinder you, and find the source of the problem and then better yourself. I do not advocate living a totally logic driven life, emotions are beneficial also, and are what defines us as a species. However, if we allow ourselves to be ruled by our emotions, we will continue the departure down a long and fruitless road.

Another thing about the past is the tendency to relive it and blame others fr their past shortcomings, and then letting that blame define you or them. Nobody is perfect, no government is perfect, no religion is perfect, no organization, school, team, club, or any other gathering of Homo sapiens. Why? Because of the common theme of these being comprised of humans. Humans are fallible and will always be so, this does not have to be bad thing, this is how we learn. It is the application, or lack thereof, that leads to "bad" things. We need to accept our and others mistakes, forgive them, forgive ourselves, and then move on. When we carry on, we use the knowledge we gained from the experience to live a better and more fulfilling life. The majority of our society has a problem with playing the blame game. "So and so did this, so I deserve this, or that is why I act like this, or that is why I need this." NO! Because someone made a mistake in your past, does not mean you deserve anything over another person. Having these kind of views is what leads to intolerance and violence. Accept what has happened, make sure you do not make the same mistake, and make your life and this planet a better place for it.

I am sick and tired of hearing people bitch and moan about something that happened in the past. No matter how much you complain, it will not CHANGE! Carry on. If we could all just do our parts, and not expect a handout, then we could fix a lot of problems with this world, and maybe even live longer, better lives because of it. The change starts with the individual, no person can make the entire world change by themselves, but if we all do our part to change ourselves, and not dwell on the past, than it WILL change the entire world. All we have to do is start.

My apologies

I am sorry that I have not posted in awhile. Unfortunately life got in the way. We have been very busy the past couple of weeks and I just haven't found the time to blog. I don't know if I will be able to keep this up, and since the weeks all resemble each other now as far as Pharmacy goes, it got kind of boring. However, Marie writes a great blog, http://marieeliz.blogspot.com/, and I am usually in it. So if you wanna know what is going on in my life check out her blog. As far as for me, I have worked, studied and seen old friends this past spring break. I got to relax a little, as much as one can with four tests looming over you, and spend quality time with my gorgeous wife.

 I did have a nice run in with a crazy lady who was selling Adderall. She brought in a script for 90 Adderall on March 7th, then another for 90, different doctor, on March 15th. I called and asked her about it and she told me that she had lost her original prescription, gone to a different doctor because her doctor was out of town, and told him the story and he was aware of the situation. No that smells like bullshit, but weird things do happen, so I told her, no problem, I just need to call and verify with the new doctor that it is okay to release this and then we can have it ready in 10 minutes. To which she quickly replies, "Oh no, don't call him, I will come pick up the prescription." Up goes the red flag. I told her no problem and hung up. I quickly called her new doctor, and my pharmacist called the old doctor. Found out she was lying, cancelled the script, found out she was using multiple pharmacies as well, and called and told her not to bother coming to pick up the script as it was cancelled and she would need to see the doctor for a new one. The first time I talked to her she was still nice and just said okay. Then she called back saying she wanted the script, I said no, she started yelling and I told her I could have the cops waiting for her if she wanted to come pick it up. That shut her up real quick. She then called back a third time and my pharmacist reexplained the situation of it no longer being a valid script. When she hung up she said, "I think we may have just lost a customer." We both laughed heartily at that. Good riddance! Moral of the story, if you smell bullshit, it probably is bullshit.

So for all my pre-pharm and pharmD people without retail experience, be sure and cover your ass by always confirming with the doctor. And letting a criminal know you can have the police waiting for them is always a good way to get them to admit defeat and leave you alone.

Have a great weekend y'all! I will see you at the tail end of a 4 tests, kick my ass, week. Signing off from another crazy week in the PharmD life!

Pathology, Pluckers, Peter Pan, and Pharmaceutics

Nice! They all start with P! I guess I kinda cheated on the pharmaceutics one, since we usually call it ceutics, but whatever. So last week I took my worst test, not supposed to be the hardest, but the questions sucked so bad that it ended up being so. The average for the multiple choice is a 64! Gotta love those kind of tests. Obviously it isn't that everyone blew off studying, the test was poor! But they haven't graded the short answer part, so the average may go up. Doubtful, last year's average was a 69 after both. A lot of the P2s were excited, because it'll show the professors that it wasn't that they didn't study hard enough. Anyways, so I literally felt like I had been mentally raped after that test. I was very depressed and came home to find solace in an amber bottle. Marie comforted me and then I went to bed. No more studying, my mind was gone. Turns out everyone felt that way and a streak of depression ran through the school. Thanks for starting the week off right Patho! Jerk.

So the next day, after class, I decided to take a break from school. 5 tests in 7 days is pretty shitty, I needed a break and I really wanted to hang out with the wife. Not to mention the fact that it was SOOO nice outside. Perfect weather! So we went to play putt-putt at Peter Pan's on Barton Springs. It is an Austiny thing to do, and it's BYOB! So we stopped and got a 24 of Natty and a four pack of plastic chardonnay wine bottles, no glass allowed. We putted, I won't say who won, me, and we drank and we were merry! So after that we headed to Town Lake to walk around and enjoy the fine ass weather. It was gorgeous. Hungry from all the days excitement we went to Pluckers. The food there is pretty tasty and they had a drink special on Tuesdays, 34 oz Ziegenbach or Lonestar for $4! Needless to say I had two. Well Marie had a couple sips of hers, and then I finished it.

Marie is using her hand as reference.

After the beers we went home and attempted to watch the Wedding Singer. Instead we went to bed half way through. A very nice night to say the least, and much needed for both of us.

The next night was back to studying and then Thursday I took my last of the tests, very easy. I was so excited that it was over! I went home and had dinner with Marie, a couple beers, and we went to be early! I love getting to sleep! Friday I helped out at the PharmD candidate interviews. It's so much fun getting to answer their questions and trying to make them feel less nervous about their situation. This time a girl came running up to me, panicked and out of breath, and asked if I knew where the interviews were. I told her to calm down, she was definitely overwhelmed and about to cry, and asked when her interview was. "430" I checked my phone, 433. Yikes! So I told her not to worry I am sure they had a back up plan for this kind of stuff. She started panicking again, and pulled out a rescue inhaler. She was giving herself an asthma attack from freaking out. I got her to the fifth floor and the coordinator said it was no problem, she just got switched times with someone else. So I think that calmed her down. I think letting your interviewer know you were so dedicated to getting to your interview that you almost died would be a good thing. Hopefully she brings up the asthma attack during the interview. After that, I went with the wife to an APhA fundraiser/social were we I sang some karaoke. There was a pretty good amount of people who sang once they heard how bad I was and didn't want me to sing anymore. It was a lot of fun, I did Rollout by my boy Ludacris, and some Asians did a good version of the Backstreets Boys. Turned out to be another fun and not study filled night. I think I am gonna have to jump back on the study train soon, as in tonight. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted!

I am off to work! It was another crazy, but actually fun filled, week in the PharmD life. May the force be with you dear readers!

4 tests and V-day

Ahhhhhhhhhh. Valentine's the day of love, chocolates, and heart break. I am not going to lie, Valentine's is not my favorite holiday, and this may stem from the fact that up until I was 17, I never had a true Valentine of my own. But now I have no excuse, and I am starting to warm up to it, if slowly. I am gonna go ahead and put this out there, I have the best Valentine and wife ever. So there! We celebrated early, as fore mentioned, because one of my professors is sadistic and decided we should have our first exam on the day of love. So it was looking like it would be a horrible V-day fo sho. However, I got done with my test after only an hour and was home with the wife. We decided to go out and have a V-day dinner even though it was 830. We went to the grandest of all places, Cheddar's! It was actually really good. This is only our second time dinning at the location, but the food has been nearly exceptional both times. For the price it is totally worth it, and the location of the restaurant brings out the high class people too. For instance, as we were walking in to the establishment, a car drove into the parking lot with the phrase "Mr. Hit Dat" painted on the side. I wanted to ask if I could go to a pic with the vehicle, but of course Marie thought it would be a bad idea. So anyways, we are waiting for a table, and in walks a very classy looking gentleman. Marie and I both turn and look at each other. As soon as he walks off, we both say, "That was Mr. Hit Dat!" It was quite amusing. So in case my sarcasm got a little confusing in the paragraph above, I shall summarize. Cheddar's has good food: True. The demographics of the customers are high class: False. Mr. Hit Dat was a gentleman: Mega False. I hope that cleared some things up, cause even I get confused sometimes with my humor.

Valentine's this year was definitely a very good one. It could have gone south, but my loving and adoring wife made it perfect. Thank you so very much Marie, you are amazing! Oh and if you wanna see her take on the day click here. It's a few posts down, though I wold recommend reading all of her's. They are awesome!

Okay, so I have already mentioned the first part of the four test week. We started on Valentine's day, had one every day until Friday, and then we have one on Monday (in two days that I have barely studied for) and our last one on Thursday (which should be easy). Needless to say, the stress was on. Luckily, and I cannot speak for everyone, three of the tests weren't too difficult. The Biochemistry one could have been worse, but it could have been better also. Only having 25 questions seems nice, but then you only miss 5 and you're down to a B. The Tuesday one was nice and easy, and I feel for the most part we all scored in the A and B range. The ******** (I omitted the name to cover my ass.) exam was easy, seeing as it was only over four one hour lectures I would hope so, but there was a question without a right answer. Super annoying. And even though half the class, literally, was lined up across the front of the room, asking him the same question, he didn't make an announcement saying he had made a mistake and to choose a certain choice or anything and it'd be thrown out. He said "As per instructions, choose the best choice out of the answers provided." Well when there is no correct answer, does that mean to choose nothing? The class was a bit frustrated, and for once it was a valid frustration. Professors are humans, they are going to make mistakes, it is no one's fault and no one should get mad at them for it. However, when you make a mistake and won't admit it, that is when the fault does fall upon you, and it hurts all those involved. Well that is enough on that topic. Last night we had a not so bad one, and then me and my boyz went to Quatros and had a beer or two. It was nice and relaxing after a hard week. I wish Marie could have made it out, but she was feeling bad, so I just had a couple beers, and then ran/drove home to her as fast as legally possible.

All in all, this week could have been better, could have been worse. And for those pre-pharm people interested in UT. Six tests in 2 weeks, three times in the semester, happens every P1 spring semester, so prepare yourself now. However, if we aren't able to handle the stress, we wouldn't make good pharmacists, so it's best to have it in a controlled environment, surrounded by friends and loved ones, then to throw us to the wolves with no preparation.

Holy Crap! Crazy thunder just happened. I have to go to work now, and I don't wanna get caught in the rain. I hope everyone had a great week and as always it's been another crazy one in the PharmD life. Peace.

Go time

I have been fairly lazy the past few weeks about school work. I have been studying but I have also been taking a lot of nights off. The death march is about to begin. I have four tests next week and two the week after. However, I am still not too worried. I don't know if it is the professors or the material, but it doesn't seem too difficult. I have been having slight panic attacks when I am away from my notes and I think about all the tests coming up, but then when I actually sit down with the material I don't feel too nervous about it. Hopefully this doesn't turn around and rape me. So the good news is that I have been able to spend some quality time with the wife. Probably the last bit of quality time that I will get with her until the summer.

Other than the tests coming up, pharmacy school has been pretty laid back. I did crank out a whole bunch of papers at the beginning of the semester, one of which was due last week, and I think this has made me a little more relaxed. I finished them way early and didn't have to pull an all nighter on Wednesday to finish it. I was planning on listening to all of my lectures again online, but I got too behind the first couple of weeks,(Mario Party) and I am unable to catch up. Hopefully that doesn't bite me in the ass either. I plan on being more studious and watching all the lectures as soon as this round of tests is over, but then again we make lots of good plans in pharmacy school that don't always work out.

Yesterday was the start of interviews for PharmD candidates! I volunteered to be there from 1-230 and ended up staying until 5. It was a lot of fun helping out the wee little babies! I can barely remember my interview, it was a blur of nervousness and regret, so it was fun watching them and wondering what I looked like to the students who were there for me. I had a good time sharing my experiences with them and giving them advice, even though they haven't even been accepted yet. I think the scariest thing about my interview and then acceptance, was all the not knowing. Of course as humans we are scared of the unknown and this was my entire future on the line. So I tried to tell them as much as I could and illuminate the darkness a little bit. Plus I want them to get accepted and remember me, and I will forget them and then that'll make me the most popular boy in school!!!!!! UMMMM... or not. That was a joke I swear!

On Tuesday Marie and I went to The Melting Pot and fondued the night away. It was an early Valentine's, because my first test of the semester is on V-day, thanks professor McGinity. It was amazing as always and I know Marie had an excellent time. Then the next night we went to a place called Painting With a Twist and we split a canvas and each painted a half of it. It actually turned out quite well, plus we got to drink some wine and hang out with Marie's friend and her boyfriend, who teaches there. Oh and get this, our art teachers last name was Hogan! That's the second Hogan we have encountered since moving here. The person who lived here before us was last name Hogan. It confused the Time Warner people pretty bad. Small world I guess.

Please ignore the stupid look on my face. We painted half and half, I think it came out really good!

I started this in the morning and am just now finishing it up. I therefore had a chance to go to work and become dumbfounded by the stupidity of people. In interest of saving time I will only bring up one instance, but it is something that happens often and is 100% preventable. A lady walks up to the pick-up counter. I say, "Hello, how may I help you?" Dumb lady, "Ummm.... yes... I am picking up my prescription." People say this all the time, not "I am picking up for..." or "My name is so and so and I am picking up." They tell me they're picking up their script, obviously, and then wait. For me to guess, or learn telepathy, I don't know what is passing through their minds. I cannot read minds! I see over a hundred people a day. Tell me your damn name!!!! Shit! So I sat there, because it pisses me off and I wanted to make her feel stupid, and she never offered her name. After about 45 seconds of my staring daggers at her, I finally asked her name. She didn't even sound embarrassed or was like "Oh, duh, you need my name." Nope, just gave me her name and continued to stare at the sign log. If I wouldn't have given in and asked I bet we'd still be there now. My trying to kill her with my mind, and her with nothing on her mind. Please tell the tech or pharmacist your name when you pick up scripts. Common sense eludes most people. Okay, that's all the biotching I'll do today.

I hope your week has been as fun filled as mine, I am sure next weekend I will be nice and depressed again, as pharmacy school wants me to be, but until then I am going to enjoy my time studying and hopefully get some shit done! 

Mr. Gatti's and not studying

Alright, so I totally told myself, and my friends, that I would start this semester off right! I was going to stream  (re-watch lectures online) all of my classes the same night after the class, and start memorizing all the little stuff, as soon as the semester started........ Like hell. I spent the first two weeks of school playing Mario Party with the wife, and then this week, which I told myself to get in gear, I went to Hooters (it was Marie's suggestion I swear!) and then Gattiland with Marie, my mom, and my little brother. Needless to say I am feeling the pressure of the eight, that's right eight, 8, ocho, EIGHT, tests that are coming up in ten days. However, I don't really care! I had a lot of fun with my family and to say I'd rather spend time with my wife over pharmacy school is like saying that the vast majority of America is stupid (an understatement). 

So anyways, that is what's been going on this week, a whole lotta jacking around, but it has been fun. Yesterday we all wore red for women's heart health and our class almost all showed up in the crimson color. And we ended up taking a very good photo! 

And of course, I had to be up front! I dragged along my friends Sameer and Mike. Mike loves the attention too, but Sameer looks like someone pooped in his cereal.

So I need all of you loyal fans to go to this link, click "like" at the top of the page, then "like" our photo. It is a compilation of all three classes, but it says UTCOP on it. So it'll be easy to find. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and is able to catch up from the week, I know I am going to try, sucks to my ass-mar for having a nine hour shift. I chose it though and we for sure need the money, I can't take listening to Marie brag about being the sugar mama.

I will leave you with one last comment, I think I may have mentioned how crazy, and trashy, the people above us are, well right now the mom is cussing out the 6 & 7 year old kids. Dropping F-bombs like they're going out of style. I feel so bad for them. I have contemplated calling CPS on them but every time I see the kids outside they seem to be perfectly fine. I think they may have mental problems and the mom cannot handle the pressure all the time and she snaps. They cry all the time and run around like crazy, jumping on their beds and generally causing mayhem. The other day one of them was screaming his head off while getting on the school bus, at 6:35 am. I know exactly when that bus comes because I can hear them as I am getting ready for school. "Get the F down here." "Don't slam the Fing door." "You're gonna be late you little assholes, hurry up." And then the kids "WAHHHHAAHHHHHH". I truly love living in the ghetto.

NOT!

My death

So we had to write a slightly morbid paper about our own funeral. This is what I came up with. Please let me know if you find any grammatical errors! The more help the better. I am also going to include an alternate ending. Enjoy!

            “We are gathered here today, not to mourn the loss of a family member, a friend, a loved one, but to celebrate the life he lived. Anyone who knew Brendon would also know that he’d be the first to try and make you laugh, even at his own funeral. His body may have left this earthly domain, but his memories will live on inside all who knew him. To help us remember him, and to share what they enjoyed about him, a few people have decided to let you know the difference he made in their lives. The first person to take the stage is Marie Hogan, his dedicated and loving wife.”

            Marie walks up the short flight of stairs and to the podium. Tears glisten in her blue eyes, but she sets her jaw and gazes out upon the immense crowd gathered. She is determined to be strong. “Brendon Hogan was an asshole.” A gasp escapes the crowd, as well as a few stifled laughs. “I told him not to die before me, and look what he did! He went and got himself blown up by an ill-planned assassination attempt. I don’t know why someone would ever think the president would drive an old Jeep. Whatever that moron gets is too good for him.” The crowd remembers the story well, a botched assassination, the assassin being caught shortly after. His trial was still going on, his attorney claimed insanity, but nobody believed it. “I guess I should talk about how much fun we had together, how he made me laugh, and how the best day of both our lives was when we wed. But talking about those things won’t bring him back, and I know he wouldn’t want me to dwell on the past. He always said, ‘The past is the past, it cannot be changed no matter how much we wish it could be, so point your feet forward and keeping moving on.’ I know that is the maxim he lived by and I hope that everyone here can try and live the same way. Goodbye my crazy husband, my best friend, the love of my life, I will never forget you, but I promise to carry on and carry you with me in my heart.” She steps back, wipes her eyes, and proceeds to the front row of the auditorium. Her mother holds her right hand, her father her left. Together they provide a small bit of strength, just the amount she needs to keep her composure. She looks towards the stage and gives Sameer a small smile, he returns it and mounts the steps.

            “I remember the first time I ever talked to Brendon. I had put a question on Facebook, to all of the PharmD candidates, asking for any advice on living arrangements in Austin. He was the only one to respond and we soon become close friends. He was there for me when I was struggling the first semester, always encouraging and always giving me a good laugh. He had the weirdest sense of humor of anyone I knew and that was what made him so funny.” Sameer looks around at the thousands in the crowd before him, clears his throat, and continues. “No matter how tough things got, he was there to offer advice, and tell me that it would all work out in the end. I don’t know how much I believed him, but it always made me feel better and gave me the boost I needed to carry on. I remember the first week of school, all the pharmacy groups were giving out free food, trying to recruit members, and of course we went to all of the meetings. I remember at the APhA meeting he said, ‘Samwise, nominate me for historian, I might as well do something if I am going to be part of this group.’ So I nominated him, and he won the position, probably because he mentioned his new DSLR camera, but whatever gets you the votes. He devoted himself to the position and the group, and became one of the honorary members of the semester. Everything he did in school, he did to the best of his ability, no matter the task. I think it was this dedication and determination that helped me too. Like Marie said, he was an asshole, but a good asshole, and I will never forget the things he did for me and the college of pharmacy in general.” Sameer heads back to his seat, giving Marie a small squeeze on the shoulder as he passes. He sits with the rest of the “gang” from school. Mike is still red-eyed and clutches a tissue tightly, Inam sits stoically as if none of this bothers him, but Sameer can tell that he is off in another time, remembering all the good times they had shared as four good friends. He returns his gaze to the stage where Christina, a co-worker and friend, has reached the podium.

            “I remember the first time I worked with Brendon. I had just graduated from pharmacy school and he had just been accepted. He was new to the Austin area and was ‘floating’ from store to store until a permanent position opened up. He was still a technician then but already had big dreams of becoming the CEO of CVS. I know if he would have been given a few more years he would have been there.” She turns away and chokes back a sob, closing her eyes, she calms her shaky voice and continues, “I remember asking if he was going to be a ‘floater’ or if they had a store in mind for him. ‘Yeah, they are actually going to put me in the new store, in Dripping Springs.’ I was shocked, because I would be moving out there as a pharmacist. ‘I can’t believe it, that’s where I am going too!’ A smile spread across his lips, ‘Good! I am glad that I know at least one of the pharmacists will know what the hell they’re doing.’” She laughs, “I still can’t believe he phrased it that way, but that was Brendon, never delicate and always to the point. I think that is what most people liked about him. He seemed harsh at first, but then once you got to truly know him, you realized all he was doing was pointing out the truth. He may have had a slight cynical spin to it, but it was the truth none the less. We had great fun working as tech and pharmacist. Right about the time he graduated CVS opened a new store in Bee Cave and asked if I wanted to be pharmacist-in-charge. I agreed and asked if he wanted to be my partner, ‘Of course, of course, but only until I gain enough experience to take over my own store, become district manager and then CEO.’ He said it with such certainty, as if he had seen the future and knew exactly what was in store for him. Apparently he didn’t see this day.” She pauses, takes a deep breath, and continues, “He was amazing with customers, treated them all like family, and could calm down even the most irate of patients. Little old ladies would bring him pie on Thanksgiving, and the old men would always come in on the weekends just to talk. He was what I would imagine a small town independent would be like, but working for a big corporation. He made CVS feel welcoming and would always help anyone with any troubles, he never thought better of himself over the customers or technicians. Everyone genuinely loved him, and he them. I will always remember Brendon and I know his patients and friends will too.” She lets go of the podium, weak kneed and ashen, and makes her way back into the crowd, back into reality. She locks eyes with Marie as she passes, a silent “Thank you”, and then sits down next to her husband Paul. He hands her a tissue and she realizes tears have been silently streaming down her cheeks. However, she lets them flow, knowing that they are a tribute to the friend and colleague she lost and they do not embarrass her. She turns her gaze towards the front where a stranger, wearing all grey, is making her way up to the center of the stage.

            “I don’t know much about Brendon’s personal life, and many of you probably don’t even know who I am. My name is Sophie Brooks, and Brendon did more for me and my family then he probably even knows. I felt it would be an insult to his memory if I didn’t come today and share what he did for us. As a first year student Brendon was assigned to come and visit my mother at The Summit of Westlake assisted living facility. She had stage four Alzheimer’s disease and for the most part lived her present in the past. He would come and visit her every other week and she just loved him. I remember sitting on her couch as he was walking in the door for one of the visits, and she said ‘Who is this beautiful man that is coming to visit!’ We both laughed and he played along with her, ‘Why, I am her to see you of course! The most beautiful lady I know!’” She smiles, remembering that day and how happy her mother had seemed, “I knew at first she didn’t remember who he was, but he wouldn’t get upset, he would just keep talking to her as if they were old friends. Eventually I noticed that on days he would come and visit, she seemed more lucid, more in the present. And finally, she knew him, she remembered him! Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes as she said, ‘Hello Brendon. How has your week been?’ He had made a true connection with her and the pair become more than just resident and pharmacy student. They became loved ones for each other, grandmother and grandson, the kind of bond that is almost impossible to find once lost. I know his grandparents had all passed early in his life, and this adoptive one was just what he needed in the high stress world we live in. I will never forget Brendon and I hope that others will learn from the examples he set and live to be half the man he was.” She runs a grey sleeve across her yellow eyes and makes her way back to her seat in the sea of faces. She thinks of her mother, and of Brendon, and hopes that if there is a heaven they found each other there and are laughing and talking of old times spent together. She turns her gaze upon the stage again, as a small man wearing a white suit reaches the microphone. He is quite good looking and has the most beautiful blue eyes she has ever seen. At a different time, a different place, she may have considered pursuing him, but now all she can give him is her attention.

            “I remember the first time I worked with Brendon at the Austin Zoo and Animal Sanctuary. I thought to myself, ‘What is this man, someone who has sold his soul to a corporation, someone who serves the most vicious animal of all, doing here? Trying to make himself feel good, or maybe a tax write-off.’” He shakes his head, as if trying to rid himself of this memory. “How wrong I was. Brendon was one of the most dedicated volunteers and animal lover I had ever met. I could tell by the way he treated them, no matter what animal it was, no matter how frightening, smelly, or ugly, that he thought of them as more than animals. He would always tell me, ‘Greg these are my furry and feathered children! I don’t understand how people could be so cruel to them, but I will try and make it up to them.’ And try he did, he would treat them as if they actually were his children and the animals could sense his compassion. He could calm the angriest tiger, or coax the most frightened ape out of hiding. He would donate time, money and most importantly, love. I know that the sanctuary will suffer greatly due his departure from this life. I know my life will suffer from his passing, and all I can do is try and be half the man he was. As the great Sirius Black once said, ‘If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.’ Most people consider animals the inferior species and if you take this quote to heart, you will know that Brendon was a truly good man.” He heads to his seat, not looking at any of those around him, he knows not all of them are bad, but so many are. He raises his gaze and notices the woman in grey staring intently at him. She notices and quickly averts her eyes. She is quite pretty and she seems to have truly taken to heart what he said. Maybe they’re paths will cross again, but now is not the time to even consider such things. He finds his seat in the last row and closes his eyes. The voice of the man presiding over the funeral fills the air once again.

            “What beautiful stories everyone has shared! I believe that Brendon would have enjoyed listening to all the wonderful things his loved ones have had to say. Do not think this is the end however, for he will always live on inside your hearts and your memories. As long as you pass on his stories, he will truly never die. I will leave you with one final quote, something that we should all take to heart, and that can be applied to any of our lives. Spoken by Albus Dumbledore to Harry Potter, after Harry has been killed by Lord Voldemort, ‘Do not pity the dead Harry. Pity the living, and above all, those who live without love.’” He pauses, looks out at all the living faces looking back at him. Wondering how many will truly understand what he has said, or if they are too caught up in their own lives to even consider they may be living them wrong. “Brendon would not want you to pity him now, for he is finally at peace.”

Alternate ending:

            The service is over. Marie makes her way to the doorway to thank everyone for coming and accept condolences. The river of people turns into a stream, turn into a trickle, and then there is none left. She tells her parents to go on without her. Nobody wants to disobey the grieving bride, so they head to their cars and drive away. Marie looks back at the now empty auditorium and smiles. It all went exactly as planned. She makes her way towards the back of the building, wiping her eyes one last time with the back of her hand. There he is, the man she loves, sitting in the front seat of a brand new Camaro. He rolls down the window and says, "Hurry up babe! We aren't getting any younger! Plus, dying takes a major toll on you, and I need a vacation to recover." She laughs and climbs in the passenger seat, she takes Brendon's face in her hands, "You really are an asshole, you know that." She gives him a kiss and buckles up. "Where to my love?" "Anywhere your heart desires my dear, as long as it's not around anyone we know." "Of course not, wouldn't wanna ruin the fun by spoiling the secret."

                One month earlier:

"Oh my god, oh my god! What do you mean his car blew up!" Marie collapses on the floor, wishing it to not be so, how could he leave her? How could he go and die now! She turns off her phone, not wanting to talk to anybody else, and just lay there sobbing. Then she hears a door open, footsteps, and she then she lost her mind. Or so she though, because standing above her is Brendon. "You're dead." "Oh am I? Sorry love, but I told you I would never leave you." "But your car..." "I wasn't in it. Sucks to the assmar of the guy that tried to jack it though." "I don't understand, did you not blow up today? That's what the news is saying, the police, the bomb squad." "I told you my one, someone tried to steal my car out of the parking lot. The thief is the one who got blown up. I say the explosion, knew it was my car, and ran. I don't know why, I just did. After I stopped running and calmed down I thought about heading to the police station, but then I thought about all the life insurance money you would be getting from this. How many opportunities like this could a person ever get?" Marie sees the crazy glint in his eye, the set of his jaw, and realizes he is determined to do this. To fake his own death. "What about our families, what about our friends?" "Well we won't tell them at first, if ever. The police aren't going to find anything in that car but twisted metal and ash. There will be no way for them to tell it isn't me. And I doubt the car thief has anyone out looking for him. As long as you play your part, there is no way this won't work. We will be rich, you can quit your job, people will think it's out of grief, and then just disappear. We can start new lives, as millionaires. What do you say?" "I say, I better get a fucking horse out of this deal!" Brendon bursts out laughing, and so does she. A new life, with enough money to do whatever they want. He was right, how many times does something like this present itself. "I guess I should start planning your funeral then."